My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
