i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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