I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
