If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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