shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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