I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
