Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
