All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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