fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
