i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
