the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
