I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
