she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
