you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
