WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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