Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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