I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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