He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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