and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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