Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
