I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
