I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
