Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize