i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
