Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
