I have demons in me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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