This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
