Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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