If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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