My sheets look like a crime scene.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
