i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
