The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
