Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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