Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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