haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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