So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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