Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
