someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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