someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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