You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
