I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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