I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
