i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
