i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
