peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
