winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
