I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize