just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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