i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
