Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
