They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
