So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
