i just google imaged poop.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
