They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
