we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
