Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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