My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
