You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
