she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
