I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This house was built for laser tag.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
