Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
