i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize