you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
