I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
