After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
